If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Did we literally take a cab across the street
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize