she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
