they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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