how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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