garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My hand turned me down
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
