Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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