she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
We need to rekindle our bromance
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
