Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
