it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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