just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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