You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
