talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize