i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
