I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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