nut hugger
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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