Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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