Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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