i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
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While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
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This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You're a disaster
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