The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
