We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
