Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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