Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
