we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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