At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
