i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
