You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
