So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
