I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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