so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
