i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dear god my vagina.
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