things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
