I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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