u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
