So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
