I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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