where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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