I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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