ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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