Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
