i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
