If that was your dad, he is hot
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
