Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
