Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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