I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he was CRYING into my vagina
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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