You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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