thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
