Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
