I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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