I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
