So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
