New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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