Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
