You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
whose parrot is this?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
