Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
