6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
