if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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