the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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