Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
