Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
