Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize