??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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