my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
