u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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