Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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