he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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