I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
