This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i would punch a child for taco bell
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
