i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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