He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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