Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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