I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
