i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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