Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
