We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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