So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
