I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
