Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
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I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
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Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
After tacos, we're chasing women.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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