I'll bet she douches with gravy.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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