Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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