The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You ruined the universe
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
