my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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