like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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