i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
