Are we in a gay sports bar?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
